Surrounded by the Serenity Prayer

Placeholder ImageI don’t usually write about my day anywhere but in my own journal.  But this morning I am making an exception to share the remarkable bookends of a rough 24 hours.

On Monday evening a group of faculty and staff women met for our monthly book group dinner in the Campus Ministry center, Visitation House.  It had been a full and hectic day, and if I had not been the host, pausing to reflect over soup and bread would not have come anywhere near the top of my to-do list.

And yet of course we did gather, and had such a rich and meaningful conversation about Eileen Flanagan’s book about the Serenity Prayer, called The Wisdom to Know the Difference: When to Make a Change, and When to Let Go.  Our chapter for this month was Letting Go of Outcomes, and we talked about how suffering is compounded by the way we cling to the conviction that things should be different.  We ended by acknowledging how hard it is to be on the receiving end of generosity, but sometimes we just need to let go and let others be as good to us as we wish to be to them.

The women left, and I went back to my office to do a couple hours of work organizing the gift cards that had been donated for this Friday night’s BINGO fundraiser.

That’s when I discovered the theft.

Several hundred dollars worth of donations had disappeared from my desk drawer, as well as from what I thought was a carefully concealed (by which I mean piled among many other things) shopping bag on my office floor.

Our Public Safety officers responded to my call at once, took my report, returned the next morning and called the police, who also came at once, took a more complete report, and promised to begin an investigation.  Did I mention this was a busy and hectic week getting ready for a major fundraiser?  I was losing not only dollars but also hours I could not afford to replace.

And yet something amazing happened yesterday afternoon.  As word of the theft began to spread on campus, people rushed in to help us.  All day long, people called or showed up to ask, What can I do?  What do you need?  People dropped off gift cards.  They wrote checks. They stopped by just to ask if we were okay.  And at a time of the semester when most students are stressed beyond the breaking point, several appeared out of the blue to volunteer to help with other pressing tasks.  Marissa and Brianna decorated cupcakes for a Take Back the Night promotional event; Emily and Kate helped organize merchandise we are selling for disaster relief in Peru this morning; Allison inventoried the kitchen for baking supplies so we will have plenty of treats at the BINGO food table.  Visitation House was abuzz with life.

I worked until I had to walk out the door for choir practice at church.  We worked on several songs for the coming Easter Triduum then ended with . . . wait for it . . . a musical setting of the Serenity Prayer.

The very last thing we did was to sing it acapella in three-part harmony, and I marveled at the peace I felt, not just during the song, but really all throughout the day.  Grounding the beginning of those 24 hours in a profound conversation about serenity and letting go really had helped me enter the fray without falling apart.  Being a victim of a crime (albeit a non-violent one) was discouraging and embarrassing, but the wave of kindness that came in its wake was so very moving and humbling.  There is so much goodness on our Mercy campus. There is so much goodness in our world.  Sometimes we have to stand in need of it in order to perceive it.


Walking Out of the Desert

Jesus returned from the Jordan, and was led by the Spirit into the desert for forty days, to be tempted by the devil.  -Luke 4:1

We only hear about the 40th day.

What happened during the other 39?

Jesus was propelled out into the desert after his baptism, after he heard those life-changing words: You are my beloved son.  Did it take him that long, perhaps, to figure out what it meant to be God’s son, and what on earth he should do next?

And this “devil” – more appropriately translated “opponent” or “obstructor” – what exactly was he trying to oppose and obstruct?  And how?

I believe that, during those 40 days, Jesus wrestled with his understanding of his mission – not just the “why” and the “what” but especially the “how” of his public ministry.  Opposed and obstructed at every step.

And since the good is often the enemy of the best, I suspect that the great obstructor suggested all sorts of tangential issues to care about, alternate strategies to pursue.  Maybe Jesus needed those 40 days (the Biblical number for “a really long time”) to clear his head of all that rubbish, to be calm and focused and purposeful, to learn exactly how to direct his energy.

Here’s how I picture that final day:

It’s over.

Plans and possibilities have been considered and rejected.  Powers, perhaps, have been explored, and reliance on them restricted.  Hungry, weary, yet resolute, Jesus begins to trudge back towards civilization, leaning on his staff.

He is really hungry.

The stones at his feet shimmer in the heat; squint your eyes and they look like bread.

Then that damn voice again.  “If you are the Son of God, command this stone to become bread.”  If?  If?  Always if!  The Spirit had said so; hadn’t he heard it?  Hadn’t everyone?  He’d just spent 40 days growing into that identity.  Why was the “if” back?  If you are the Son of God … and not some delusional freak!

Turning the stone to bread; would that silence the “if” for good?  The walk back was so long, and he was so hungry.  This was so hard.  What harm would it do?  Who would know?  What was the use of being God’s son, if you couldn’t feed yourself when you were hungry?

As he leans on his staff, he realizes that hunger and weariness are feeding him insecurity and taking him to the brink of unraveling all the resolutions he made when he was feeling stronger.  Mental note – fatigue and hunger are dangerous.  The strongest resolutions can start to slip away under their siege. He must steel himself against such lapses in logic; he cannot use his “magic powers” for his own comfort or convenience.  (And though he does not know it yet, If he can’t resist making bread when he is hungry, how will he resist the jeers of the crowd telling him to come down off that cross … baiting him with that word “if” again?)

More importantly, he can’t cave to the urge to prove himself for the sake of his pride.  That can’t end well.

Once the first temptation is resisted, the subsequent ones get easier. (Probably a good lesson for the rest of us.)  Though they do have their own specific appeal.

Then he took him up and showed him all the kingdoms of the world in a single instant.   The devil said to him … all this shall be yours, if you worship me.  (Luke 4:5-7)

Now that is tempting.  All the kingdoms of the world in a single instant.  Just think of all the places he will never visit in his lifetime.  All the places it will take his followers years … decades … even centuries to reach, and how much his message could be warped in transmission!

And yet the devil here has overreached, showed his hand.  He doesn’t have the power.  The kingdoms are not his to give.  Easy to resist.

So the obstructor takes a step back.  Returns to what almost worked the first time.  If you are the Son of God … throw yourself down (from the parapet of the temple).   For he will command his angels to guard you … (Luke 4:9-10).

Again, there is a certain draw.  It would get people’s attention, that’s for sure. He wouldn’t have to struggle against their disbelief in the “carpenter’s son.” Wouldn’t have to take the hard road.  (Might not even wind up on the cross.)

But no.

The devil’s lures are getting tiresome.

This is not the way, and he knows it.  He walks on, feeling stronger, resolute. And so the devil retreats, waiting for Jesus’ defenses to go down again.

To do the right thing, in the right way, for the right reason. That’s the challenge that was laid before Jesus, and that lies before each of us every day.